EPA Employees: No Pooping In The Hallway!

Yes, your government is certainly a pride to behold. It seems federal employees at the EPA in Denver have been instructed to stop defecating in the hallways. Huh? I'm sure Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor was thrilled to tears to send an email out to employees describing the "several" inappropriate bathroom "incidents" that had taken place in the building, including a description of "an individual placing feces in the hallway" outside the restroom. 

"Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals," Cantor wrote in his email, asking any employee with knowledge of the individual's identity to notify management.

Of course, this is a government agency, right? So, instead of leaving the matter to an email and moving on, EPA management had to consult with a workplace violence specialist, John Nicoletti, who called the behavior "very dangerous" and (horrors!) warned that the perpetrators would "probably escalate" their behavior, according to GovExec. God knows how many committees and sub-committees they probably formed just to study the problem.

EPA spokesman Richard Mylott added that Nicoletti’s expertise was sought in an effort to maintain a "safe workplace" in a statement to GovExec Wednesday. "EPA cannot comment on ongoing personnel matters. EPA's actions in response to recent workplace issues have been deliberate and have focused on ensuring a safe work environment for our employees," Mylott said. "Our brief consultation with Dr. Nicoletti on this matter, a resource who regularly provides our office with training and expertise on workplace issues, reflects our commitment to securing a safe workplace."

The EPA has been plagued with a range of cases involving employee misconduct over the last several months, including one ethics violation involving a political appointee accepting travel gifts from lobbyists. Another investigation revealed an employee receiving pay despite having moved to a retirement home, where the employee was allegedly not employed, one or two years earlier.

In May, another EPA employee was investigated for downloading 7,000 porn files on his work computer and viewing them two to six hours a day. The same month, the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee accused the EPA of sustaining a system riddled with high-ranking fraud and "criminal conduct,” costing taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

As of March, EPA’s Office of Inspector General was investigating 78 open integrity cases -- five involving political appointees –- according to the OIG’s employee misconduct report released twice a year. "This is truly a broken agency," committee chairman Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) said in May.